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That topic led anxious people to feel more negative emotions, and to be less accommodating toward their partners.
But more committed partners responded by being more accommodating on their side, which in turn made the anxious people feel happier and more accepted.
Another line of research by Michelle Russell and Jim Mc Nulty suggests that it’s not only how you handle conflict that can buffer against a partner’s insecurity, it’s also the frequency of sex.
Those researchers measured newlywed couples’ satisfaction and their frequency of sex over the first four years of marriage.
And consequently, their relationships don't last as long., on the other hand, experience relationships like an emotional roller-coaster, with more highs and lows, and relatively higher levels of sexual motivation.
Anxious people often drive away the very partners they want so much to keep, by making excessive demands that the partner demonstrate love and commitment.
I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and, often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like.
Other children had an anxious/ambivalent attachment style—they became visibly upset at any separation from their mothers, and seemed preoccupied with possible abandonment.
Jeff Simpson and Nickola Overall have conducted research on how relationship partners handle one another during times of stress.
In a recent review of that research, they suggested that you are more likely to live happily ever after if you match your style of conflict resolution to your partner’s attachment style.
I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me.
I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting close to me. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them.