Dating impotent man
In their absence, I learned to appreciate joint cookouts and combined love for cinema. Our married friends would ask why we hadn’t tied the knot yet. He seemingly had been in two serious relationships before me and “things were fine”. It has taken me years since that relationship to build a positive body image; a ballpark estimate is 10 years.
Meanwhile, I was fully committed and kept up appearances of being in a delightful bond for the sake of our friends. One muggy Sunday afternoon at one of our cookouts, his friend’s nosey wife had had enough of being diplomatic. It was as confusing for him as it was harmful to our relationship and I know that deep down, it destroyed him.
We met at a house party when I was in my early twenties and he was nearing 30. He was soft spoken and a good listener, a refreshing change from the jerks who had asked me out before him. Although we never argued about anything, there wasn’t much excitement when we went out either.
He told me once while driving back from a movie date: “Relationships are meant to be boring” and in my naïveté, I believed him!
It reached a point where we pretended that the problem didn’t exist because he didn’t want to talk about it. There was only so much I could do; it was up to him to resolve it and I couldn’t force him.
Eventually, he visited a sexual health expert and was told his problem was neurological.
She hoisted up her Bengali saree and cornered me with: “If you don’t get married to him, are you just going to keep having sex with him? I tried to comfort him, I could tell he felt incomplete.
There is so much weight placed on machismo in society and in popular culture that a man equates his masculinity with his performance in bed.
There were no flowers, no proclamations of love, no surprise gifts or a single Valentine’s Day celebration in all those years of being a couple.
His ego wouldn’t let him seek help My ex did not want to discuss it with his family or friends, although he was blessed with a wide circle of male buddies.
In hindsight, my heart tells me, they would have supported rather than derided him as I feared they would.
For those of you who think impotence is a man’s problem, consider the woman’s perspective.
She starts off feeling unattractive because she can’t do something as simple as turning her man on.